Author: Cynthia H. Clark

Legal Separation

Emotional Healing from Legal Separation

If you are in the midst of a Maryland divorce or negotiating a separation agreement, be cautious. Experts in the field say separation is difficult enough, but you need to look out for fraudulent advice that can cause even more strife in your already stressful situation. Even though you may wish that there was some kind of magic antidote to the discomfort you feel from your legal separation, healing from such an event simply takes time.

Divorce and separation increase your vulnerability to unnecessary tools and dubious support mechanisms that may not actually help you avoid bitterness in the long run. Remember that affirmations and therapeutic exercises are immediately beneficial because they can help you focus your mental energy, but they are not all-curing salvos for the long road ahead.

In fact, you probably feel like you would be willing to pay any amount of money to anyone even remotely trustworthy who could help alleviate your emotional suffering. Everyone going through a divorce experiences this particular feeling, but it is critical to remember that divorce recovery is certain to be slow going. Everyone’s recovery time is different, but it is unlikely that you will resolve your concerns about your divorce in even an intensive weekend. As you continue through your legal separation, remember a few critical tenets that will help you remain focused.

First, if you are experiencing emotional pain during your divorce, it only indicates growth. If you are strong enough to get through an uncomfortable experience rather than avoiding it, you are sure to build the confidence that you need to continue through the process with fewer emotional injuries. Second, remember that there is no defined finish line. You will not wake up one day and suddenly be healed. Recovering from divorce is a continuing process that resists deadlines. Your individual recovery will take time, but be reassured that you will emerge as a more resilient person.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Get out of the race and on the roller coaster to divorce recovery” Andra Brosh, Aug. 20, 2013

Divorce

Protect Your Retirement Funds During Divorce

As an increasing number of older couples are joining the Grey Divorce movement, bigger questions are arising about finances and property division. Not only are older couples more likely to simply have more assets; they are also more likely to possess a wider variety of holdings that could make a property division process particularly difficult. If you are over 50 and seeking a divorce, there are a few things you should consider in order to protect your retirement accounts and other long-term holdings.

As an older divorcee, you only have 10 to 15 years until retirement becomes suddenly relevant. This means you must take a different approach to divorce than those couples in their 30s or even 40s. First, remember that you should not automatically choose to take the family home in the divorce. There may be better options that could provide you with a more flexible and liquid financial portfolio. A house’s value is not set in stone; in fact, these prices can vary widely. Even selling your home to downsize is unlikely to fund your retirement. Actual cash assets will be a better choice for most older divorcees.

If you are awarded a percentage of your spouse’s 401(k), think twice before you put it all into an IRA for yourself. This is one of the few times that you will be able to access your retirement funds without penalty. Even though you want to reinvest the majority of your money, you may be able to use some of these funds for unavoidable divorce expenses.

Lastly, resist the temptation to withdraw extra money from your retirement funds during your divorce. Cover your legal and associated costs, but leave the rest of the money for your future retirement. You will need your nest egg if you expect to retire as planned.

If you have questions about your Maryland property division process, consider seeking the advice of a qualified family attorney. These professionals can help you obtain the resources you need during and after your divorce.

Source: www.nydailynews.com, “Money pros: Don’t let divorce rip apart your retirement nest egg” Marilyn Timbers, Aug. 14, 2013

Child Custody

Introducing Your New Beau to Your Kids

Dating after your Maryland divorce can be a difficult transition. How do you manage your child custody responsibilities while attempting to meet someone new? In addition, how should you introduce your new beau to your children? Experts weigh in on the right way to bring a new partner into your family.

It is most important to remember that you do not have to bring home every person you date. If you do this, in fact, your children will likely become confused and even start feeling abandoned as a string of parental figures come and go in their lives. If you can, go on dates during periods when your ex-spouse is in charge of childcare and custody. You can avoid intrusive questions from the kids and enjoy more privacy.

If you have discussed long-term possibilities and you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, it is time to introduce your beau to your children. A casual meeting is best for the first encounter. Have a picnic lunch in the park or go to the zoo. You want to gradually increase the amount of time your kids are spending with your new partner rather than expecting a full immersion.

Explain to your children that you know this new person cannot take the place of their other parent, but you expect them to show respect. It may take some time for your kids to warm up to the new beau. Experts say that most kids secretly harbor the hope that their parents will get back together, and a boyfriend or girlfriend will shatter that perception. Be kind, compassionate and honest with your children through this transition.

As a single parent, you will have to define your new relationship goals much faster than a childless dater. If you are having difficulty with the introduction of your new beau, consult your divorce team, which should consist of an attorney, financial planner and mental health professional. This team can help get you back on your feet in all ways after a breakup.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “When (and How) to introduce your new beau to your kids” Marni Battista, Aug. 05, 2013

Alimony

Cell Phone Locators Help Alimony Decisions

If you have just gone through a contested divorce and are paying alimony, you may be concerned that your spouse could defraud you out of the support you provide. That is, if your spouse has found another partner, he or she would no longer be eligible to receive your financial assistance. Now, experts in the field say that technology could help track your ex’s relationship to ensure a fair spousal support situation.

Cell phone data is among the most ubiquitous types of information used in spousal support arguments. A series of research and professional articles show that cell phone information can help determine whether your ex is, in fact, cohabitating with someone without the court’s knowledge. This strategy is further bolstered by a recent decision from the United States Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit, which ruled that cell phone data is considered a business record. In other words, cell phone data cannot be viewed in the same light as other personal information. It is not subject to the same privileges that other private information might receive.

As a result, more alimony payers are able to track their ex-spouses to determine whether they are defrauding the courts by cohabitating under the radar. It is easier to determine whether your ex is actually living with someone, thanks to cell phone tracking data that can place each person 24 hours a day. In addition, if your spouse is actively cheating on you, you could track his or her movements to provide additional information during divorce proceedings.

The new ruling means that no one should have an expectation of privacy when it comes to the location from which your calls are placed. Although the content of your conversations could still be considered private, location tracking can provide ample evidence of cohabitation, leading to changes in alimony agreements.

If you think your ex-spouse is cohabitating, consider seeking assistance from a qualified family attorney. These professionals can help you learn more about your rights and responsibilities, allowing you to pay a fair amount of spousal support.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Termination of Alimony: Another Look at the Utility of Cell Tower Location Data” Diane L. Danois, Aug. 05, 2013

Divorce

Keep Your Positive Attitude During Divorce Mediation

Many of us are skilled negotiators at work, capable of seeking additional money during salary talks or ending up with bargain-basement prices on office supply contracts. With so many Maryland residents already having these diplomatic political skills, why would they find property division after divorce to be difficult?

Even though most of us negotiate our way through everyday life, we may struggle during property division talks. Maybe it is the highly emotional nature of the discussion or the extra tension that causes us to stumble over normally simple decisions. If you are using collaborative divorce methods such as arbitration and mediation, you may already be ahead of the curve. These collaborative processes use teamwork and negotiation to navigate what might otherwise be an extraordinarily stressful experience.

During your mediation, experts say you can take certain steps to make sure the final agreement works for both parties. First, set a cooperative stage with a positive attitude. You can also make the process more pleasant by remaining civil, even if your ex-spouse decides to be nasty. Remember the goal of mediation is to avoid further complicated legal proceedings; even though it is not always easy, mediation is generally less expensive and traumatic than a traditional courtroom divorce.

Keep the focus of the proceedings on your financial matters instead of dredging up old marital problems. Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes can be a beneficial exercise, as well. Keeping the lines of communication open during the negotiation is critical, and making concessions to your ex-partner should not be seen as a sign of weakness.

If you are considering a collaborative divorce instead of a traditional courtroom proceeding, consider seeking the assistance of a qualified and specialized attorney. These professionals can help you learn more about your divorce options, including arbitration and mediation. Do not allow your divorce stress to take over your life; instead, consult a skilled team of professionals.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Your demeanor can affect your divorce mediation” Diane L. Danois, Jul. 23, 2013

Child Custody

Native American Man Loses Custody to Adoptive Parents

An East Coast court has denied a petition to re-hear a contentious custody case, cementing the decision about the daughter of a Native American man. The child custody battle occurred between the 3-year-old girl’s biological father, a member of the Cherokee Nation, and her white adoptive parents.

Reports show the girl’s biological father had surrendered his parental rights shortly before the girl was born. He soon began to seek full custody rights, however, after he learned that the child’s mother planned to put her up for adoption. A lower court initially ruled the adoption should be voided under the provisions of the Indian Child Welfare Act, an existing piece of legislation designed to keep Native American families together. This case was presented before the U.S. Supreme Court, where justices made the final decision that the adoption was legal because the man surrendered his parental rights before the child was even born.

Ultimately, the adoptive parents have been named as the child’s legal guardians, despite the courtroom maneuvers of her biological father. Additional petitions to the South Carolina Supreme Court have fallen on deaf ears, with justices choosing to defer to the nation’s highest court rather than re-hearing the case.

Attorneys for the biological father say the case showcases the inability of the higher courts to fully consider the welfare of the young girl. The Cherokee Nation intends to continue to fight the legal decision, with representatives characterizing the child as an “Oklahoma child” who should be brought home to her native land.

In this case, it seems as though the biological father has exhausted all of his legal options. The case has been heard before the highest court in the nation, after all. However, some additional rights must be considered in connection with the Indian Child Welfare Act, so the man could still gain custody of his daughter. If you are struggling with a similar custody battle, consider seeking the services of a qualified Maryland family attorney.

Source: www.nynow.org, “S.C. high court moves to end saga of ‘Baby Veronica’” Hansi Lo Wang, Jul. 24, 2013

Related Articles

Divorce

Keep Your Stuff in Perspective During Divorce

Going through a divorce is emotionally difficult for a variety of reasons, but you may be struggling with one aspect of the process you might not expect: property division. Even though you may not really want to hang on to that old plate or set of silverware, you could find yourself embroiled in an intense argument over your possessions. Experts say it is critical to remember that property division during divorce simply deals with “stuff” – delaying the process because you want to keep certain items can keep your divorce from ending quickly. This could cause you to suffer longer and pay more in legal fees.

Some divorcees say they have found themselves hung up on small items of relatively little significance, largely because they are desperate to have some measure of control over their lives during divorce. One woman explains that she fought tooth and nail for a plate made of rocks that was purchased during her last vacation with her husband. Even after the couple had made arrangements for child custody, cars, homes and other major items, she found herself continuing to fight for the insignificant plate.

The woman realized that the fortune of attorneys’ fees spent on obtaining that plate could have been put to better use. In addition, she could have made better use of the time she spent seeking the plate, perhaps spending time with her children or making a delicious meal. She realized that holding on to the plate would not allow her to hold on to her ex-spouse. Keep in mind that you should be leaving the marriage with everything you came with, though. Items such as your grandma’s china and other heirlooms should be safe.

If you are struggling through a property division dispute in your divorce, be sure to use the services of a qualified attorney. These professionals can help you keep the items you value while making sure your divorce goes smoothly.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Pick your battles, it’s just stuff” Amy Koko, Jul. 10, 2013

Legal Separation

Achieve Independence through Legal Separation

If you are suffering needlessly through a difficult marriage, you may be considering drafting a separation agreement. Even though Independence Day has passed, you could still enjoy the freedom associated with seeking legal separation from your current spouse. Today, we bring you several clues you might be in need of a permanent break from your husband or wife.

First, you might need to separate from your partner if obsessive thoughts about your relationship begin to dominate your thoughts. If you find yourself unable to focus at work, missing out on your friendships or fundamentally not enjoying life, you could be due for a breakup. If your relationship is causing you that much stress, you could need a breather. In addition, if you have feelings for someone else, you should definitely consider terminating your relationship. Managing a single relationship is difficult enough; you cannot be expected to share your time and energy with two serious partners.

If your partner has cheated on you a number of times, it may be time to declare independence from your current relationship. Serial infidelity is a major red flag. Everyone deserves more respect and better treatment than that afforded by cheaters. Similarly, if you find yourself losing your identity because you are adopting all of your partner’s decisions, you may need to get out of the relationship. If you are eating at vegan restaurants that you hate or attending a variety of social events that are unpleasant simply for your partner, you could need to check the relationship’s progress.

Your relationships should enhance your life. If you think you are being made more miserable by your current partnership, consider seeking a legal separation. Your qualified family attorney can help you learn more about your legal and financial options, explaining both divorce and legal separation. Do not suffer through a dissatisfying relationship alone; instead, consult an experienced lawyer to help you through the breakup.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Five reasons you may need Independence this 4th of July” Angela Lutin, Jul. 03, 2013

Divorce

Keep Divorce from Wrecking your Business

Divorce can often bring out the worst characteristics of those involved in a breakup. The process can be stressful and frustrating, even if you are using a highly qualified attorney. Imagine the difficulties that can arise, therefore, when a family attempts to distribute jointly-held business assets. Although your family business could be in peril because of your divorce, you do not have to sacrifice your assets simply because of a breakup.

The most important component of dividing the value of a business is deciding its fate. The couple could continue to co-own the business, even after divorce, if they believe this is a viable option. Alternatively, one owner could buy out the other’s share in the business. The entire business could also be sold, allowing the assets to be more evenly distributed.

After you decide the fate of your business, you need to determine its worth. Even if the venture is jointly owned, you need to know its value so you can divide property between spouses. You should be able to rely on shareholder agreements and other buy-sell documents related to your business. If you have not crafted these legal precedents, the asset division could be more challenging, but it is still possible. To find out how much your business is worth, hire a neutral professional.

Finally, you need to weigh the options, making the decision that would be best for the business, as well as its co-owners. To minimize the financial fallout, consider mediation rather than courtroom litigation. This process is less stressful and cheaper, often providing better results through cooperative bargaining. Remember also to stay focused throughout the entire negotiation; this property division will only occur once, and you want to make sure that your interests are represented.

If you are a business owner pursuing divorce, consider seeking the services of a qualified attorney. These professionals can help you decide on the best course of action for your business, allowing you and your ex to move on with your financial futures.

Source: blog.intuit.com, “How to keep divorce from ruining the family business” Sheryl Nance-Nash, Jun. 26, 2013

Alimony

Alimony Woes Can Complicate Divorce

If you are caught up in a bitter divorce with difficult alimony or child support negotiations, you might want to rethink your own approach. Experts in Maryland divorce law say that couples sometimes become so focused on being “right” that they refuse to consider the effects their actions are having on others. Your personal disdain toward your ex could be preventing you from moving on. In addition, it could be costing you more money as the legal proceedings drag on.

Gurus say couples should avoid getting so caught up in their divorces that they cannot take advantage of good advice. One woman relates her story, explaining how she was required to pay spousal maintenance for her husband after they divorced. The man wanted to return to a nearby university to obtain a degree. The woman had full custody of the couple’s daughter, and she resented her ex for making her pay the spousal support; the man was, in fact, employable. She felt bitter and angry until her friend asked her whether she would rather be right or happy.

In fact, that perspective can be incredibly helpful during your divorce proceedings. Even though you may feel like the alimony or child support decisions handed down in your case are unfair, you should try to move on without additional acrimony. A bitter attitude will not change the judge’s ruling in your case. In addition, staying positive can help you maintain your relationship with your ex to promote co-parenting success. The woman in the story now has a strong bond with her ex, despite her initial anger. The couple was even able to easily work out a child support agreement when the man finished his degree.

Not all spousal support disputes end so easily. If you are concerned about the value of your alimony payments, or if you think you are not getting enough money from your ex, consider seeking assistance from a qualified family attorney. These professionals can help you learn more about your rights and responsibilities in the courtroom.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Debbi Dickinson, Jun. 18, 2013