Author: Cynthia H. Clark

As international child abduction plays an ever-growing role in American child custody cases, the number of countries committed to child safety and family choice appears to be growing. Japan has become the latest nation to sign the international child custody treaty that could prevent native parents from taking their children from Americans without recourse.

The country approved the treaty adoption amid concerns that primarily originated from American fathers, many of whom are service members. These men alleged that the mothers of their children were spiriting the kids away to Japan, where they were protected from requirements outlined in the 1980 Hague Convention. The approval of the treaty will provide additional protection to foreign parents.

Opponents of the measure cited evidence that Japanese women may be fleeing abusive American spouses. That argument remained one of the most potent against the treaty ratification even until recent years.

The political shortcoming was highlighted during the 2009 child custody case involving an American father and a Japanese mother. The man was arrested in Japan after he was accused of taking the pair’s two children as they walked to school. A U.S. court had awarded the man full custody of the children, but the Japanese mother took matters into her own hands by fleeing from Tennessee to her native country. American legislators turned up the heat on Japanese politicians in 2010, condemning the nation’s refusal to agree to Hague provisions.

Japanese law dictates that only one parent — generally the mother — retains custody of the children after divorce. The Hague convention will not change that legal precedent, but it will affect the way the nation honors U.S. custody decisions. The change will also only apply to new cases.

If you are facing an international custody battle, your best ally is a qualified family attorney. These professionals can help you understand your rights and responsibilities as officials attempt to enforce U.S. law through the provisions of the Hague treaty.

Source:  www.huffingtonpost.com, “Japan child custody laws: Japan approves joining international child custody treaty” Malcolm Foster, May. 22, 2013

Most school years are coming to an end, and the perennial debate about summer child custody arrangements may just be heating up in some households. Making summer plans for your children is difficult enough when you are married, but it can become downright harrowing when you are divorced. This is especially true when trying to decide upon summer camp options.

Your custody agreement may mandate a specific percentage of payment for summer camps and other activities. Many agreements require both parents to agree on a camp, but also to prevent one person from insisting upon the most expensive option. Some couples find it difficult to decide whether to send their children to overnight camps or day camps. This can end in a stalemate with the child ultimately suffering. When you get stuck on a summer camp debate, experts say you should consider using your mediation techniques to make the decision.

First, identify the reasons you want your child to attend a certain camp. Ask your spouse to do the same. These reasons may sound silly – you might admit you would miss your child too much if he left for a month – but your concerns are valid. You should schedule a meeting with your spouse to review your opinions about camp. During that meeting, come up with three alternatives that could meet the majority of both parents’ requests.

For example, if you are afraid of sending your child away for the entire summer, consider choosing an overnight camp that is closer to both parents’ homes. You could also agree to switch child caring or custody schedules to support different types of camps. Negotiate for your child’s best interests.

If you are experiencing difficulty with a summertime child custody agreement, consult a qualified family law attorney. This professional can help you learn more about your rights and responsibilities in the courtroom, leading you to an agreement that can be amenable to both parents.

Source:  www.huffingtonpost.com, “Mediating your summer camp squabbles” Diane L. Danois, May. 13, 2013

Divorce is one of the most stressful times for children. This period of tumult and upheaval can be ameliorated by the presence of one important living thing: a pet. Child custody experts say that family pets can be among the most beneficial factors for children going through a family split. Kids should be able to have unlimited access to the family pet. If you do not yet have a furry friend, you might consider obtaining one quickly after the divorce.

In the United States, some 65 percent of households have pets. About 39 percent of those have dogs, while 34 percent own one or more cats. Pets are beneficial to youngsters for a variety of reasons. Animals provide unconditional love and support for children going through upheaval. Your pets will not judge, and they will always listen. Pets will never judge children for their emotions; whether they feel sad, sluggish, angry or relieved, they can communicate to their pets without negative consequences.

Pets also bring a sense of security to young children. Even in the midst of a divorce, when children might feel lonely and somewhat abandoned, their pets will always be there. This is evident during early childhood, but teens also benefit from the animals’ support. Furthermore, pets can provide a great bridge for communicating with adults. Your kids can relate to you by discussing the dog or cat, even when it seems like you have nothing else in common.

Finally, pets are great stress relievers. Playing fetch or running with a dog can give a great sense of physical release. Pets are sources of laughter and joy, and they can provide nurturing support to both youngsters and adults during the trials of divorce.

If you are attempting to divide “custody” of your family’s pets, consider talking to a qualified divorce attorney. These professionals can help you learn more about your courtroom rights and responsibilities during your breakup.

Source:  www.huffingtonpost.com, “Pets very helpful for children coping with divorce” Rosalind Sedacca, May. 06, 2013

Even though your divorce may be final, if you have children with your spouse, your personal relationship with your ex is sure to continue. Welcome to the interesting and challenging world of co-parenting! As you learn to adhere to the guidelines set forth in your child custody agreement, you may encounter some roadblocks, especially at the beginning of the process. You may find that little disagreements rapidly spin out of control. If you are informed about the potential barriers to success, however, you are more likely to maintain a healthy interaction with your ex and their potential new mate.

It is important to recognize that you will encounter obstacles and challenges throughout your co-parenting experience. You may disagree, for example, about which summer camp to send the kids to or which after-school activity would be most beneficial. Remind yourself that you have declared a “ceasefire” with your ex; in essence you must prohibit yourself from reopening old wounds when discussing childcare decisions. Calling a truce can help you build a stronger co-parenting relationship.

It is inevitable that you will argue with your ex-spouse about some child custody matters. Frankly, you probably argued with your ex during your marriage as well, so this may be a difficult trap to escape. Remember that your co-parenting actions will have a direct effect on your children’s emotional and mental health; you should be careful to act in a respectful fashion whenever possible.

If you feel as though you are having difficulty abiding by your child custody agreement, or you notice that you both need help relating to each other as co-parents, seek advice from your divorce team. You should enlist the help of divorce attorneys as well as therapists, mediators and other professional support to guide you through this difficult process. Your divorce attorney and other members of the team can provide assistance during this new and challenging experience.

Source:  huffingtonpost.com, “We’re divorced! What’s left to argue over?” Diana L. Danois, Apr. 26, 2013

When a divorced parent starts seeing a new beau, children in the household can have a variety of reactions. An important part of maintaining a beneficial child custody arrangement is the ability of exes and new paramours to get along. Experts say there are several steps that can help parents reconcile their new love interests with the needs of their children.

First, both parents need to reinforce the fact that they both love and care for their children. Even if the kids are not living with the nuclear family full-time, parents can provide the emotional support necessary for children to permit a new beau into the family structure. Reassure your children that they will be seeing both parents as frequently as the co-parenting agreement permits.

Children need to be allowed to express their feelings about their parents’ new partners. One woman said she took her child to a low-key Mexican restaurant at an off hour so they could discuss his hang-ups with her new boyfriend. The woman and her close female friend fielded questions about the new boyfriend and allowed the boy to express his true feelings, some of which were hurtful; he told his mother that she had caused his father to leave, for example.

After the air was cleared, the woman set ground rules for interaction with the new man. Her son had previously said that he would never talk to the boyfriend and that he intended to chase him off. The woman insisted that her son at least act in a polite manner, even if he did not prefer the boyfriend’s company. She also asked her ex to explain that he was comfortable with the new man, hypothesizing that the boy was disapproving of the boyfriend simply out of loyalty.

After completing these steps, the boy’s relationship with his mother’s partner has greatly improved; he even allows the man to drive him to school on occasion! Child custody situations involving new partners can be difficult to navigate, but good communication can allow everyone to be comfortable.

Source: Huffington Post, “When kids dislike your new partner,” Christine Gallagher, April 3, 2013