Category: Divorce

Proud Maryland residents are aware that the state flag features a couple of red and white crosses.

There are probably those who think that the insignia is meant to reflect the state’s ties to the Roman Catholic Church. After all, historically speaking the Maryland colony was established with the specific intent of being a haven for Catholics who were excluded by civil law from participating in many aspects of public life in other British colonies. The Maryland government website, though, reveals that the crosses represent the crest of the maternal family of George Calvert, the first Lord Baltimore.

Acknowledging the deep Catholic roots of the state, though, we suspect there may be more than a few readers paying close attention to the doings of the church around the issue of divorce. Specifically, anticipation is likely building around the scheduled October Synod on the Familyduring which synod participants will dig into whether and how the church can help spouses and families of divorce participate more openly and fully.

As things stand now, common doctrine is that divorced Catholics can’t remarry unless they obtain an annulment stating that in the eyes of the church the first marriage never took place. Annulments aren’t easy to get and those Catholics who remarry without one are ineligible to receive Holy Communion.

This is a big issue for faithful Catholics on both sides of the fence. Traditional interpretation of common doctrine is that God outlawed divorce. In trying to strike a balance between that spiritual ideal and temporal reality, many opt for a legal separation which ends the civil marriage contract, and leaves the spiritual marriage intact.

But those with a more pragmatic view observe that divorce has always been around and question whether it isn’t time for some softening of spiritual penalty in the event that a divorced person does remarry without an annulment.

That is a question that is beyond the scope of our focus on family law in the temporal realm. But it will be interesting to see what comes out of the October synod.

Josef Stalin is credited with saying, “A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.” The implication is that statistics are easy to dismiss. Even if they deal with human tragedy, statistics almost instantly become data that disappears in the wind.

Divorce is an issue that seems to defy that premise, though. On one hand, there is an abundance of references in the media and in social policy debates about statistics that indicate half of all marriages end in divorce and that the problem is getting worse. At the same time, we posted last month about research suggesting that divorces aren’t as prevalent as all that.

The reality is that there really is no reliable federal data available to tell us what the divorce landscape really looks like.  In Maryland the State Department of Health collects statistics of marriages recorded in the state.  All people being divorced are required to complete forms which are forwarded by the court to the “statistic collectors” at the Department of Health.  When you read about the divorce rate in Maryland, that is the source.     Recently, the U.S. Census Bureau proposed deleting some marriage and divorce-related questions from its annual American Community Survey. The rationale given was that the information gathered is of little value and it would be inexpensive to get rid of them.

In what some say is a case of strange bedfellows being made, the proposal has reportedly brought academics — many of whom are thought to be of a liberal bent — and groups with conservative social agendas together to fight the bureau’s move.

Experts from the various camps say it would be a big mistake to drop the divorce questions. They observe that effects of divorce and its related legal concerns, such as property division, child support and child custody, have a way of rippling well beyond just individual families. The results can be felt across economic, social and cultural strata.

They say that and the fact that the divorce-related information in the ACS is largely responsible for spotting many of the family law trends in recent years makes keeping the questions in the survey.

What are your thoughts? Should we care about the divorce rate?

Source: CNN Money, “Should we stop tracking the divorce rate?” Kathryn Vasel, Jan. 8, 2015

Although this blog typically discusses the difficulties of divorce, like property division and child custody, there is some good news for all married couples out there. According to the New York Times website, the idea that half of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce — and that it is only getting worse — is not actually true.

New research suggests that approximately 70 percent of people who were married in the 1990s made it to their 15th anniversary. This is an improvement from marriages that began in the 70s and 80s, which only had about a 65 percent chance of making it to their 15th year. People who got married during the 2000s have an even lower likelihood of divorce, it appears.

If the statistics prove true, about two-thirds of all marriages will escape divorce altogether. However, it seems that declining divorce rates are only benefiting those who have completed higher education. Individuals who do not have college degrees appear to have the divorce rate as those individuals married in the 70s and 80s.

Clearly, divorce has not disappeared altogether, but it is certainly heartening to hear something positive about marriage. Indeed, even for those who are engaged in property division, child custody and other types of divorce negotiations, it is nice to know that — should they choose to marry again — second marriage could have a higher chance of success than previously believed.

Maryland residents who are currently thinking about divorce and/or in the midst of a divorce may be able to benefit from sound counsel from an experienced divorce attorney. An attorney can help divorcing individuals navigate the legal and financial complexities of the divorce process with success.

Source: clarionledger.com, “NYT: Divorce rate has been declining since 90s” Sam R. Hall, Dec. 02, 2014

It looks like famous actor Cuba Gooding Jr., known to many Maryland residents for his appearance in “Jerry Maguire,” may be showing his wife the money after the dissolution of their marriage. The pair, who have been married since 1994, recently announced that they intend to divorce. Gooding’s wife filed for the separation in a California court on April 21, according to reports.

Insiders say that the woman is seeking spousal support, though it is not exactly clear how much she is pursuing in connection with the breakup. She is seeking joint physical and legal custody of the pair’s minor children, ages 8 and 17. An older son, 19, is already in college.

The split may come as somewhat of a shock for fans of the 46-year-old Academy Award-winning actor; in January, he appeared on the daytime show “The View,” singing the praises of his long-lasting marriage. Gooding said that he appreciated the fact that his wife was able to play so many roles in their marriage. He also said that his wife was continuously evolving to meet the family’s needs, and he was extremely lucky to have her as a life partner.

The woman cited irreconcilable differences as the cause of the split.

In this case, the woman is a schoolteacher and Gooding is a high-powered actor. Their income levels are almost certainly disparate, so it makes sense that she would choose to pursue alimony in addition to general equitable property division. When one spouse makes a significantly higher wage or holds massive assets, that person may be required to not only divide marital property, but also provide continued financial support to an ex-spouse.

Source: The Los Angeles Times, “Cuba Gooding Jr.’s wife of 20 years files for separation” Nardine Saad, Apr. 23, 2014

Divorce?  Conscious Uncoupling is what Gwyneth Paltrow and spouse Chris Martin (lead singer for Cold Play) called it in an announcement.    It sounds like what we on the East Coast call simply a “divorce.”

Most marital dissolution cases are not OVERLY contentious.  People may have a different idea of what “fair” looks like but most people are respectful of each other and want to end things on an amicable basis.  But, people don’t usually talk about situations where people are respectful and come to agreements.  That is boring.  People only talk about the unpleasant and litigious.

The phrase “conscious uncoupling” seems to have been coined by a pair of mental health people working with the Paltrow/Martin team, Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami.  Apparently, they concede it is a divorce but characterize it as a “good” divorce.

Of course, everything is easier if both parties agree.  We have always called that an “amicable divorce” or an “uncontested divorce”.  We are not sure why we need a new descriptive phrase.

Are rich parents who indulge a child and who are on the brink of a divorce enough to avoid jail for a teenager who killed four people drunk driving?  This is not Maryland law but a “poor little rich kid” in another state killed four pedestrians drunk driving.  An expert testified for him at trial.  The expert that he was not responsible for what he did as he suffered from “affluenza.  His parents were rich and indulgent and only interested in fighting with each other which led to their divorce.    The young man was sentenced to a rehabilitation facility to the distress of the families of the dead victims.

While the defense of “affluenza” sounds preposterous, it is important to look at the devastating effects of marital strife on children in extreme situations.  In the months and years leading up to the divorce, the atmosphere in the home can become toxic for children.  The environment in the home and the contributions of each parent to the strife will have an effect if there is a custody dispute.

Annapolis, Maryland courts and family law attorneys try to address the problems of kids in custody cases.  The courts require mediation and classes.  But, if there is no custody litigation and there is no dispute about where the kids live, Maryland law does not require child services.

Perhaps attorneys may think that the defense put forth by the defense attorney was clever, but it is bad public policy.  Presumably, the young man’s parents participated in the trial, the selection of a defense attorney, and the selection of the expert putting forth the opinion.  That being the case, it is unfortunate that more severe consequences couldn’t be attached to the divorcing parents.

As an increasing number of older couples are joining the Grey Divorce movement, bigger questions are arising about finances and property division. Not only are older couples more likely to simply have more assets; they are also more likely to possess a wider variety of holdings that could make a property division process particularly difficult. If you are over 50 and seeking a divorce, there are a few things you should consider in order to protect your retirement accounts and other long-term holdings.

As an older divorcee, you only have 10 to 15 years until retirement becomes suddenly relevant. This means you must take a different approach to divorce than those couples in their 30s or even 40s. First, remember that you should not automatically choose to take the family home in the divorce. There may be better options that could provide you with a more flexible and liquid financial portfolio. A house’s value is not set in stone; in fact, these prices can vary widely. Even selling your home to downsize is unlikely to fund your retirement. Actual cash assets will be a better choice for most older divorcees.

If you are awarded a percentage of your spouse’s 401(k), think twice before you put it all into an IRA for yourself. This is one of the few times that you will be able to access your retirement funds without penalty. Even though you want to reinvest the majority of your money, you may be able to use some of these funds for unavoidable divorce expenses.

Lastly, resist the temptation to withdraw extra money from your retirement funds during your divorce. Cover your legal and associated costs, but leave the rest of the money for your future retirement. You will need your nest egg if you expect to retire as planned.

If you have questions about your Maryland property division process, consider seeking the advice of a qualified family attorney. These professionals can help you obtain the resources you need during and after your divorce.

Source: www.nydailynews.com, “Money pros: Don’t let divorce rip apart your retirement nest egg” Marilyn Timbers, Aug. 14, 2013

Many of us are skilled negotiators at work, capable of seeking additional money during salary talks or ending up with bargain-basement prices on office supply contracts. With so many Maryland residents already having these diplomatic political skills, why would they find property division after divorce to be difficult?

Even though most of us negotiate our way through everyday life, we may struggle during property division talks. Maybe it is the highly emotional nature of the discussion or the extra tension that causes us to stumble over normally simple decisions. If you are using collaborative divorce methods such as arbitration and mediation, you may already be ahead of the curve. These collaborative processes use teamwork and negotiation to navigate what might otherwise be an extraordinarily stressful experience.

During your mediation, experts say you can take certain steps to make sure the final agreement works for both parties. First, set a cooperative stage with a positive attitude. You can also make the process more pleasant by remaining civil, even if your ex-spouse decides to be nasty. Remember the goal of mediation is to avoid further complicated legal proceedings; even though it is not always easy, mediation is generally less expensive and traumatic than a traditional courtroom divorce.

Keep the focus of the proceedings on your financial matters instead of dredging up old marital problems. Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes can be a beneficial exercise, as well. Keeping the lines of communication open during the negotiation is critical, and making concessions to your ex-partner should not be seen as a sign of weakness.

If you are considering a collaborative divorce instead of a traditional courtroom proceeding, consider seeking the assistance of a qualified and specialized attorney. These professionals can help you learn more about your divorce options, including arbitration and mediation. Do not allow your divorce stress to take over your life; instead, consult a skilled team of professionals.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Your demeanor can affect your divorce mediation” Diane L. Danois, Jul. 23, 2013

Going through a divorce is emotionally difficult for a variety of reasons, but you may be struggling with one aspect of the process you might not expect: property division. Even though you may not really want to hang on to that old plate or set of silverware, you could find yourself embroiled in an intense argument over your possessions. Experts say it is critical to remember that property division during divorce simply deals with “stuff” – delaying the process because you want to keep certain items can keep your divorce from ending quickly. This could cause you to suffer longer and pay more in legal fees.

Some divorcees say they have found themselves hung up on small items of relatively little significance, largely because they are desperate to have some measure of control over their lives during divorce. One woman explains that she fought tooth and nail for a plate made of rocks that was purchased during her last vacation with her husband. Even after the couple had made arrangements for child custody, cars, homes and other major items, she found herself continuing to fight for the insignificant plate.

The woman realized that the fortune of attorneys’ fees spent on obtaining that plate could have been put to better use. In addition, she could have made better use of the time she spent seeking the plate, perhaps spending time with her children or making a delicious meal. She realized that holding on to the plate would not allow her to hold on to her ex-spouse. Keep in mind that you should be leaving the marriage with everything you came with, though. Items such as your grandma’s china and other heirlooms should be safe.

If you are struggling through a property division dispute in your divorce, be sure to use the services of a qualified attorney. These professionals can help you keep the items you value while making sure your divorce goes smoothly.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Pick your battles, it’s just stuff” Amy Koko, Jul. 10, 2013

Divorce can often bring out the worst characteristics of those involved in a breakup. The process can be stressful and frustrating, even if you are using a highly qualified attorney. Imagine the difficulties that can arise, therefore, when a family attempts to distribute jointly-held business assets. Although your family business could be in peril because of your divorce, you do not have to sacrifice your assets simply because of a breakup.

The most important component of dividing the value of a business is deciding its fate. The couple could continue to co-own the business, even after divorce, if they believe this is a viable option. Alternatively, one owner could buy out the other’s share in the business. The entire business could also be sold, allowing the assets to be more evenly distributed.

After you decide the fate of your business, you need to determine its worth. Even if the venture is jointly owned, you need to know its value so you can divide property between spouses. You should be able to rely on shareholder agreements and other buy-sell documents related to your business. If you have not crafted these legal precedents, the asset division could be more challenging, but it is still possible. To find out how much your business is worth, hire a neutral professional.

Finally, you need to weigh the options, making the decision that would be best for the business, as well as its co-owners. To minimize the financial fallout, consider mediation rather than courtroom litigation. This process is less stressful and cheaper, often providing better results through cooperative bargaining. Remember also to stay focused throughout the entire negotiation; this property division will only occur once, and you want to make sure that your interests are represented.

If you are a business owner pursuing divorce, consider seeking the services of a qualified attorney. These professionals can help you decide on the best course of action for your business, allowing you and your ex to move on with your financial futures.

Source: blog.intuit.com, “How to keep divorce from ruining the family business” Sheryl Nance-Nash, Jun. 26, 2013