Category: Divorce

Divorce?  Conscious Uncoupling is what Gwyneth Paltrow and spouse Chris Martin (lead singer for Cold Play) called it in an announcement.    It sounds like what we on the East Coast call simply a “divorce.”

Most marital dissolution cases are not OVERLY contentious.  People may have a different idea of what “fair” looks like but most people are respectful of each other and want to end things on an amicable basis.  But, people don’t usually talk about situations where people are respectful and come to agreements.  That is boring.  People only talk about the unpleasant and litigious.

The phrase “conscious uncoupling” seems to have been coined by a pair of mental health people working with the Paltrow/Martin team, Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami.  Apparently, they concede it is a divorce but characterize it as a “good” divorce.

Of course, everything is easier if both parties agree.  We have always called that an “amicable divorce” or an “uncontested divorce”.  We are not sure why we need a new descriptive phrase.

Are rich parents who indulge a child and who are on the brink of a divorce enough to avoid jail for a teenager who killed four people drunk driving?  This is not Maryland law but a “poor little rich kid” in another state killed four pedestrians drunk driving.  An expert testified for him at trial.  The expert that he was not responsible for what he did as he suffered from “affluenza.  His parents were rich and indulgent and only interested in fighting with each other which led to their divorce.    The young man was sentenced to a rehabilitation facility to the distress of the families of the dead victims.

While the defense of “affluenza” sounds preposterous, it is important to look at the devastating effects of marital strife on children in extreme situations.  In the months and years leading up to the divorce, the atmosphere in the home can become toxic for children.  The environment in the home and the contributions of each parent to the strife will have an effect if there is a custody dispute.

Annapolis, Maryland courts and family law attorneys try to address the problems of kids in custody cases.  The courts require mediation and classes.  But, if there is no custody litigation and there is no dispute about where the kids live, Maryland law does not require child services.

Perhaps attorneys may think that the defense put forth by the defense attorney was clever, but it is bad public policy.  Presumably, the young man’s parents participated in the trial, the selection of a defense attorney, and the selection of the expert putting forth the opinion.  That being the case, it is unfortunate that more severe consequences couldn’t be attached to the divorcing parents.

As an increasing number of older couples are joining the Grey Divorce movement, bigger questions are arising about finances and property division. Not only are older couples more likely to simply have more assets; they are also more likely to possess a wider variety of holdings that could make a property division process particularly difficult. If you are over 50 and seeking a divorce, there are a few things you should consider in order to protect your retirement accounts and other long-term holdings.

As an older divorcee, you only have 10 to 15 years until retirement becomes suddenly relevant. This means you must take a different approach to divorce than those couples in their 30s or even 40s. First, remember that you should not automatically choose to take the family home in the divorce. There may be better options that could provide you with a more flexible and liquid financial portfolio. A house’s value is not set in stone; in fact, these prices can vary widely. Even selling your home to downsize is unlikely to fund your retirement. Actual cash assets will be a better choice for most older divorcees.

If you are awarded a percentage of your spouse’s 401(k), think twice before you put it all into an IRA for yourself. This is one of the few times that you will be able to access your retirement funds without penalty. Even though you want to reinvest the majority of your money, you may be able to use some of these funds for unavoidable divorce expenses.

Lastly, resist the temptation to withdraw extra money from your retirement funds during your divorce. Cover your legal and associated costs, but leave the rest of the money for your future retirement. You will need your nest egg if you expect to retire as planned.

If you have questions about your Maryland property division process, consider seeking the advice of a qualified family attorney. These professionals can help you obtain the resources you need during and after your divorce.

Source: www.nydailynews.com, “Money pros: Don’t let divorce rip apart your retirement nest egg” Marilyn Timbers, Aug. 14, 2013

Many of us are skilled negotiators at work, capable of seeking additional money during salary talks or ending up with bargain-basement prices on office supply contracts. With so many Maryland residents already having these diplomatic political skills, why would they find property division after divorce to be difficult?

Even though most of us negotiate our way through everyday life, we may struggle during property division talks. Maybe it is the highly emotional nature of the discussion or the extra tension that causes us to stumble over normally simple decisions. If you are using collaborative divorce methods such as arbitration and mediation, you may already be ahead of the curve. These collaborative processes use teamwork and negotiation to navigate what might otherwise be an extraordinarily stressful experience.

During your mediation, experts say you can take certain steps to make sure the final agreement works for both parties. First, set a cooperative stage with a positive attitude. You can also make the process more pleasant by remaining civil, even if your ex-spouse decides to be nasty. Remember the goal of mediation is to avoid further complicated legal proceedings; even though it is not always easy, mediation is generally less expensive and traumatic than a traditional courtroom divorce.

Keep the focus of the proceedings on your financial matters instead of dredging up old marital problems. Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes can be a beneficial exercise, as well. Keeping the lines of communication open during the negotiation is critical, and making concessions to your ex-partner should not be seen as a sign of weakness.

If you are considering a collaborative divorce instead of a traditional courtroom proceeding, consider seeking the assistance of a qualified and specialized attorney. These professionals can help you learn more about your divorce options, including arbitration and mediation. Do not allow your divorce stress to take over your life; instead, consult a skilled team of professionals.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Your demeanor can affect your divorce mediation” Diane L. Danois, Jul. 23, 2013

Going through a divorce is emotionally difficult for a variety of reasons, but you may be struggling with one aspect of the process you might not expect: property division. Even though you may not really want to hang on to that old plate or set of silverware, you could find yourself embroiled in an intense argument over your possessions. Experts say it is critical to remember that property division during divorce simply deals with “stuff” – delaying the process because you want to keep certain items can keep your divorce from ending quickly. This could cause you to suffer longer and pay more in legal fees.

Some divorcees say they have found themselves hung up on small items of relatively little significance, largely because they are desperate to have some measure of control over their lives during divorce. One woman explains that she fought tooth and nail for a plate made of rocks that was purchased during her last vacation with her husband. Even after the couple had made arrangements for child custody, cars, homes and other major items, she found herself continuing to fight for the insignificant plate.

The woman realized that the fortune of attorneys’ fees spent on obtaining that plate could have been put to better use. In addition, she could have made better use of the time she spent seeking the plate, perhaps spending time with her children or making a delicious meal. She realized that holding on to the plate would not allow her to hold on to her ex-spouse. Keep in mind that you should be leaving the marriage with everything you came with, though. Items such as your grandma’s china and other heirlooms should be safe.

If you are struggling through a property division dispute in your divorce, be sure to use the services of a qualified attorney. These professionals can help you keep the items you value while making sure your divorce goes smoothly.

Source: www.huffingtonpost.com, “Pick your battles, it’s just stuff” Amy Koko, Jul. 10, 2013

Divorce can often bring out the worst characteristics of those involved in a breakup. The process can be stressful and frustrating, even if you are using a highly qualified attorney. Imagine the difficulties that can arise, therefore, when a family attempts to distribute jointly-held business assets. Although your family business could be in peril because of your divorce, you do not have to sacrifice your assets simply because of a breakup.

The most important component of dividing the value of a business is deciding its fate. The couple could continue to co-own the business, even after divorce, if they believe this is a viable option. Alternatively, one owner could buy out the other’s share in the business. The entire business could also be sold, allowing the assets to be more evenly distributed.

After you decide the fate of your business, you need to determine its worth. Even if the venture is jointly owned, you need to know its value so you can divide property between spouses. You should be able to rely on shareholder agreements and other buy-sell documents related to your business. If you have not crafted these legal precedents, the asset division could be more challenging, but it is still possible. To find out how much your business is worth, hire a neutral professional.

Finally, you need to weigh the options, making the decision that would be best for the business, as well as its co-owners. To minimize the financial fallout, consider mediation rather than courtroom litigation. This process is less stressful and cheaper, often providing better results through cooperative bargaining. Remember also to stay focused throughout the entire negotiation; this property division will only occur once, and you want to make sure that your interests are represented.

If you are a business owner pursuing divorce, consider seeking the services of a qualified attorney. These professionals can help you decide on the best course of action for your business, allowing you and your ex to move on with your financial futures.

Source: blog.intuit.com, “How to keep divorce from ruining the family business” Sheryl Nance-Nash, Jun. 26, 2013